I'm baaaaaack...oh. and I could eat.

Okay, I may have been gone for a while (both in a writing posts sort of way as well as an out-of-town sort of way) but I have returned.

I am continuing to track my calories, and try. try. try to limit my sodas every day.  Today I only had one soda but it was a giant diet coke from the fountain at Target (if I can get 49 ounces of anything into a cup it should only count as one beverage right?)

Truth be told, although I am diligent about tracking my calories, there are many days that I struggle with keeping them under 1300 a day.  Then there are the days (today!) when it is 2:00 and I haven't eaten a thing...so I have a piece of cake and some ice cream and then several (read: 8) slices of delicious asiago bread dipped into the deeeeeeelicious sauce from my weight watchers chicken in white wine recipe.  I was soooo hungry and it was sooooo yummy...that bread never had a chance of being leftovers for tomorrow (even though I bought two demi loaves so that I would have left overs tomorrow...BWAHAHAHAHA.)

Years ago, when I lived with my two children and a cat I would joke (only I was serious) that because I sometimes had money for cat food (and it wasn't like my cat ate the "good stuff"--he ate Meow Mix exclusively...that is like the spam of cat food) and sometimes I didn't have money for cat food and my kids would put bits of bread in the cat dish (pathetic I know) that the cat wouldn't eat...I was CERTAIN that I was going to give my cat an eating disorder.  Seriously...the poor thing gobbled it up when he had it like there was no tomorrow...because for him...it really might not be there tomorrow.  He didn't know.  Oh My God.  I am that cat.  I am that cat when it comes to yummy things.  It is almost like I think that I wont be able to eat tasty things again in the near future and so I devour tasty things as I encounter them...and this is America people!  Tasty things are everywhere!!

So this is where I am now.  I weigh 185 point something.  I set a goal for myself to weigh less than 182 pounds before school starts again this year.  I have a week and a half to to get there.  I know that I should consider adding exercise to my daily routine (weekly routine?  monthly routine? annually?).  I know this, and I want to do this...but I really don't want to do this.  :)  Yesterday for instance, I was arguing with myself about walking the 2.75 miles around the lakes (located mere feet from my front door) and as I was making the case to myself to go...and a very good case it was (I was winning) myself was nodding and pretending to agree WHILE quietly putting on my comfy pajamas.  Damn.  No walk.  Again.

I decided to not buy any new clothes.  (what?!)  I have about 7 dresses and a few skirts and pants that I will simply rotate through (sorry class...you will be seeing the SAME outfits over and over again) until I get to the next size.  I have 2 dresses that are that smaller size and when I get there I will get a few more and cycle through those until I get to the next size.  See? I have it all planned out.  It just needs to happen now.  Easy Peasy.  Thank GOD I have that plan.  Whew.  Now because that is all ironed out...I can relax (and not exercise) for a while.

Okay.  Here are a few unflattering photos that were taken within the last two weeks.  I will soon be donning some exercise clothes and taking additional pics (not exercising) in order to track progress.  A girl can't have too many "Before" pictures can she? 

I was taking a soil sample from the desert biome at the Bioshpere 2 in this picture.  My pants aren't happy.  Neither am I..that "soil" is ROCK. 

On the beach at the Biosphere 2.  My shorts aren't happy, but I am.

Me and more unhappy clothing outside of the Bioshpere 2.  After this was taken, I quickly cropped my gut and fat ankles out of this picture and posted it on facebook.  :)

Half Full

The glass is half full...of diet coke.  I went (nearly) 3 days with no soda but soon realized that I was going to be so much less productive than not at all productive, if I didn't get some caffeine in me STAT.  So I revamped my mad scientistist plan to better suite my needs.  Now I allow myself (with only minimum guilt) 1 soda a day.  It's delicous.

Today I weighed in at 188.5lbs.  That is 1 1/2 pounds less than this time last week, and 7 pounds all together according to myfitnesspal.  I am sticking (with much success I might add) to 1300 calories a day and 90 minutes of exercise a week to create a daily deficit of 800 calories and a weekly loss of 1.6 pounds.  Although I am right on track, and I haven't been hungry...my impatience is rearing it's ugly head.  And kettle cooked potato chip cravings have come along for the ride.  Impatience will use the chips to talk me into a bad situation if I am not careful.


Mountains that I have moved:

1. eating breakfast every morning
2. walking 3 miles at least 3x a week
3. recording EVERYTHING I eat
4. consuming 1300 calories (give or take) on a daily basis
5. drastically reducing the amount of soda that I drink

Holy Cow!  When I look at it all listed out like that, I feel kinda like a rock star!  Screw you delectable, crunchy, salty, (magical) goodness in a bag!!  I am going to continue to resist you.  :-}

cranky days are here agan...

Okay, The word of the day is: WATER. 

I known what you are thinking.  Boring day.  You have a very valid point.  However, the word of the day for the last 2000 or so days would have been Diet Coke, or Diet Dr. Pepper, or Coke Zero and so I am anticipating a rather bumpy road down this river (river made of WATER!!).

Full disclosure: I have stopped drinking my many, many cans of soda before.  When I was pregnant I had nothing with caffeine in it (so easy to do for someone else!) and once or twice before, I stopped drinking soda for a couple of months in an attempt to lose weight and when that didn't happen I got so ticked off that I jumped right back on that big old caramel colored carbonated beverage wagon.

One of the things that has kept me swimming (the backstroke, the butterfly, you get the picture) in soda is that I have been afraid (terrified) of the withdrawal experience.  I have been known to get a wee bit grumpy even with an ample supply of the delicious cola at my disposal.  So you would be right to be VERY concerned for the well being of my family and my mind, as I begin this detox process.

I want to get through this week.  After this week I will be locked away in a place that doesn't have access to soda for 11 days. (It is a good thing...not like a jail sentence or anything...I will share about it later.)  I was planning on packing a case or two of soda to take with me but when I return, if all goes according to my mad scientist plan I will have 18 days cola free under my belt and the world should be safe (level yellow) from the possibility of me going off in an unexpected and disproportionate fashion to any given situation.

So before, I gave up my beverage of choice because I wanted to lose weight and it seemed like an easy way to jump start that.  With any luck, (in my evil plan) I wouldn't have to anything else.  I wouldn't have to exercise, I wouldn't have to change my eating habits; I would just stop drinking soda and I would be 10-15 pounds lighter.  My evil plan sucked and I didn't lose one pound...but almost lost my mind.

This time, I know full well that I wont lose any weight by doing this.  What I want is to get the monkey off my back.  I want to not have to worry about if I have any soda in my fridge, or where I can stop to get some.  I am tired of over-paying for soda because I am desperate enough to have to get some out of a soda machine.  I am tired of telling my kids that they can't have any (more) soda because it isn't good for them while I am pouring it in a glass for myself.

So here I go.  I will let you know how it works out.  In the mean time...seriously...you need to pray for the people around me.

I am an AFTER trapped inside the body of a BEFORE

Lies I have told myself:

• I don't eat too poorly.
• I don't eat THAT much.
• I don't look that bad.
• I will start on that tomorrow.
• I am healthy (enough).
• I don't need to lose that much.
• This is just my weight/size...better get used to it.
• I will eat better when school is out.

Oh! But wait! Last night I told myself that I would "start on that tomorrow" and here I am.  (A truth!! Yay!) 

This is a picture of me shortly after I told myself that truth (I was in a hotel room...at a conference.  It was late, and I was wearing my p.j.'s with no make up.)

Yup.  That is me.  I decided to take a public (sort of) leap and make myself accountable for those lies.  I hopped out of that less than comfy hotel bed and took this picture.  The next morning(today!) (with clothes and make-up on) I took this BEFORE picture (note to self: maybe wear more make-up....I kind of look exactly like I did when I was lounging in bed 7 hours earlier):

This was my last day at the four day conference.  I weighed myself and the scale said (gulp.) 190lbs.  I am wearing a (snug!) size 14 shorts (with a control top panel) and a (snug enough to highlight my muffin-top created by said control top panel, thank you very much) large top.  My shoe size is also ridiculous but I hold out much less hope in my ability to change that.  One thing at a time.

I was trying to eat consciously while I was away from home but I had no control over what was being served and no control (period) when they put deeeeeeelicous things like this in front of me:

I found a website that is amazeballs.  You may have already discovered it, but it is a new and wonderful love to me.  www.skinnytaste.com (ST) has a crap ton (that is a metric weight) of do-able recipes that look deeeelish and are low in calories.  To make up for lost (though enjoyed!) eating I made a low-cal dinner tonight.  It was really kind of nice to have home cooking (even mine!) after having four days of buffet food.  I made a chicken thigh, artichoke, and feta dish from ST.

Results: my stomach AND mouth were very, very pleased!  This is what I served...this is actually MY food, MY picture, MY dinner:

I have got to say that I am feeling pretty pleased with myself right now.  This is the beginning of my journey toward my AFTER.  I  want to lose 45 pounds.  I guess I never really did the math.  It would take me 45 pounds to get down to 145lbs.  I always told (lied to!) myself and said that I would look hot with a mere 20 pound loss and promptly never did anything (consistently) toward that.

I want to not fret so much (at all maybe?) about how I look in pictures (the ones that I even agree to be in).  My profile picture for instance...I know what you are thinking...you think I look darn good, and I do...in THAT picture.  It was taken last week, so it is very current, but I had to have decent lighting and a verrrrrrrrry orchestrated angle.  Even the outfit was specific.  My shoulders are bared because that seems to be the only part of me that isn't A) covered with a layer of blubber, or B) drooping. 

This picture is more like my reality, taken moments before the glamour shot that is now my profile pic:

Oh good golly.  This is bad.  Bad lighting.  Bad angle.  Bad, bad chin(s). Good motivation. :)